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Post by Merialeth (CaireannLiadan) on Oct 26, 2015 8:36:27 GMT -8
~October 26~
It's happened again. Another vision, dream, whatever you want to call it. This one even more disturbing than the last because of what now I hold no doubt of. It's clear that we - myself and the others afflicted with these visions are meant to stop Her. But at the same time, it tears me in two.
She is my strength, my blessing, the good things I can do in Her name, are wonderful, yet at the same time, I doubt. And that is what pains me. Is She creating these things only for us to 'cure' them? Or is it truly Her power keeping other things at bay.
I doubt, and that kills me all the more. I know what other things I can do in Her name, things... in my past. I never wondered before why the link, now I do. I can't even put them to paper, for fear that another might find this book at some point, and reveal those things I would rather keep to myself, but - it worries me, no, it terrifies me.
If I doubt Her, and turn my back on Her, try to stop Her, I will lose what I am, what I can do. That scares me. If I do not, if I let my faith blind me, then I curse the Isle to an even worse fate.
How then to choose? It's not just me though, others have had the visions, Warden, Singarti, Rusalka. I know not if any of the Fae have, I should ask of Crystiel perhaps, but if she or her kin have not, I fear that she will feel herself excluded, even from a nightmare.
But as before, spread across the races, so far Human, Elf, Garou, Mer, is it the Fae that is the key this time perhaps instead? Much as the Elves were in the original Blessing? Goddess! Was my Blessing, what She -showed- me, was it not the cure, but the continuation of this Fight?
But even so... Why would She arrive, only to further Her own glory? To put a feat before us, to bring us back? I'm frustrated and confused, and ... searching.
So I go to find answers instead of more questions. I'm searching what information is available to me, ancient libraries I'd never have had the thought of access to before. It's daunting... but I'm thankful.
Please let there be hope.
I wish I could talk to Cedar. I need to find her.
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Post by Merialeth (CaireannLiadan) on Oct 28, 2015 10:25:23 GMT -8
~October 28~
I spoke to Cedar, all too briefly, and though I would have preferred not in public, I could hope the fact I did so, made her understand how important she is to me. How important it is that I don't lose her friendship. I told her that I'm still dreaming - and not just me, but others, she seemed to try to reassure me, and Goddess I hope she's right, but... I still need to explain in full what I and others have seen. For it is others, three more have had the same as I, and again the dreams are spread between races and groups. What it means though this time, whether chance, fate or a greater Power is at play I don't know. I don't know if we're missing anyone, I'm not close enough to any of the Fae save Cedar and Makki to know if any of them have been affected by these dreams, or what they might have received.
Last night was the Full Moon, I was brave. I couldn't stand being cooped up in the Tower, so I flew... flew above the Isle, and down into Lower Aberwyth to speak to Viveka at the only place I knew I could find her. At the Den. It... was everything and nothing like I expected. It's beautiful, the rich decorations, the heavy tapestries, and the warmth of the Springs was lovely... But the cloying smell, that was thick too, and impossible to forget. I could see how it might call to people, the opulent surroundings, and then I remember how he looked when he came home, with it running through his veins, and... I just shudder.
I was brave though, and we talked... Still don't have any answers, but - it was good to share with someone who understood. My things are packed away, in a corner of the Tower, for now it is my home, my Reverie watching over the shop.
I still miss Cedar.
I still miss him. I hope he's well, that his ship is safe, wherever he is. I miss waking beside him.
I miss lots of things about him.
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Post by Merialeth (CaireannLiadan) on Oct 30, 2015 20:32:57 GMT -8
~October 30~
Of all the things I thought I might do in Her service, I find myself being astonished at the one I'd never considered.
I married a couple yesterday.
Not just any couple to be sure, and were there any more strange circumstance, well, I don't know of it.
Had it been any less a couple deserving of happiness, I would have denied it, and indeed almost did, but... How could I tell them no? The two have gone through so much, and indeed have more before them. And so it was, of all things, during the party that Cedar had hosted for the Tavern to help celebrate the end of the Blight - and a bit of merrymaking that I sat in the corner for and watched quiet and bemusedly - that as I was heading home to the Tower to rest, I was called back by Cailean's voice pealing out, for me to marry him and Cedar. They were both well-imbibed by then, nearly everyone was save myself due to a drinking contest, but - they both seemed adamant.
I almost denied them, told them to come see me again when they were both clear of the potent hold of alcohol, but - I would see them happy. I know they care for each other, and they deserve it. And so for them, how much it meant to them - I declared them wed in Her eyes. Even though I fled back to my tower as quickly as I could, curled up in my chair, and used my Reverie to drift into what few happy memories I could, then faded into a thankfully dreamless rest.
It was worth it.
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Post by Merialeth (CaireannLiadan) on Nov 3, 2015 16:54:10 GMT -8
~November 3rd~
He has returned. He said he would, and though I prayed for it, I honestly just... couldn't bring myself to -know- it. My he I am ecstatic, and yet - if there could have been any more things go wrong at the same time, well - it didn't miss it by much.
The loud woman, the regent of Aberwyth, Elizabeth whatever else her name is... She showed up in the Tower just shortly after he did, and though thankfully nothing was happening per se, and she was her usual loud boisterous self, it was clear that he didn't feel comfortable with her seeing us. He seems to have some involvement with her, and as much as he is off and about near the docks and such, I shouldn't be surprised, but - adding his proclivity for the Den well - it would be lying if I said it didn't worry me. But he is his own person of course, and far more important than anything is that he's safe.
If that hadn't been strange enough though, was who came in on the tail end of Elizabeth's departure. Elenelle, Emma's daughter, arrived just to ... stare, apparently, seeming unfamiliar with the concept of having to purchase items for herself. The idea both amazes me, and appalls me, to be so disconnected. But I suppose had I lived as my mother wished me to, that could have been my fate. I won't deny the thought sent shivers through me, and made my wings curl up. I am thankful yet again, for the path my life has taken, in many ways. However, upon her seeing him, she started questioning and studying him rather fiercely. Had it been anywhere else and had he not started asking -me- questions about if I could see her, well - I'm not quite sure how I'd've felt. But - this little tiny blonde, staring down the big brunet, that... just... kinda hit me. I didn't care right then what was going on, I won't have people accosted in the Tower. Just won't.
I finally got her attention, told her if she wished to ask her Mother to address the issue to please do so. I had no idea what was caught in her mind, she spoke of symbols, and family, and as she left, she called him 'father'. He assures me his family is dead. I've never pressed him, and though I may not have liked the way Elenelle handled things, if she is right, why would he not claim them? Emma is a wonderful woman, anyone blessed with her presence would be glad of it, and I have no doubts where her heart lies, would be just as strongly held. That seems such a conflict to the way he is with me, to deny someone that would care for you.
It ... I'm so torn now. I need to talk to Emma. I don't know if things will ever be the same between us. And I fear, if Elenelle is right, Goddess, what have I done?
Every happiness, damaged. I should have known better.
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Post by Merialeth (CaireannLiadan) on Nov 9, 2015 0:32:53 GMT -8
~November 8th~
He's here and gone again, I'm sure he's about the Isle, but - I've not seen him since that few minutes in the Tower. I don't know if it means what Elenelle said bothered him more than he let on, or if there is something else. Things seem to be both settling and getting worse otherwise. Elka came to the Vale, and while talking to Emma, well - it's a huge mess. Gavin was there, and Elka took affront to his presence, ironic considering she seems to have a similar affliction if the Feast last night was any indication. Anyway, Emma said Gavin had protection while on Eldari lands, Elka took offense and after he had fainted dead away from... I'm not sure what, but he'd been unconscious when Elka stabbed him in the back. Literally. Needless to say, Emma was not pleased, and neither am I... But now, the Singarti are not allowed in the Vale and the Elves, supposedly aren't allowed in the Forest, though Crystiel tells us that Elka didn't have the right to say such. It's all such a huge mess.
There was a Feast last night in Aberwyth to celebrate the end of the blight. Seems Elizabeth has declared herself the Regent of Aberwyth, and says something about some group named Haven taking over the lower city. Though I can't say I'm pleased with the thought of the unknown, it makes me wonder what else can go wrong. I think I'm just tired, I'm overdue for my Reverie, though I've been fearing it, wary of another of the dreams that I still, don't yet know how to handle.
It's late, I'm going to go anyway, I'll just have to pray.
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Post by Merialeth (CaireannLiadan) on Nov 18, 2015 0:08:03 GMT -8
~November 16~
Here and gone again, the time though brief was, oh Goddess, so sweet. I was almost too brash, almost, we both were, but as was wont to happen, a customer came and what impulsiveness might have spurred was just as quickly stifled. Still, he is well, and we are well, and ... it was worth it.
I didn't ask when or if I'd see him again, only made it clear, whenever it was, that I would be waiting. None else needs to be said in my mind. At least for as long as he'll have me. I've not seen Elenelle more than twice since she accosted him here in the Tower, and then nothing was spoken of. Emma also does not look at me with any different light, I think Elenelle has kept her thoughts to herself. I do feel guilty, but I am thankful of it. Horrible I know, but it is truth. These brief moments of bliss, well - I know there will be pain at the end, I'm ready for that, but at least I'll have these moments to remember.
I have a new employee, she seems solid enough, and careful in her work so far. I'm glad to have her, and slowly, gradually, people have started to come inquiring about Astrena Tor. So many different backgrounds, different people. Though I know not how well they will all mesh, that is alright. I've always said from the beginning that as long as people can come together for the good of Magic, the rest will work out.
The Isle seems well otherwise, the autumn progressing, winter soon closing in. I'm starting to stock supplies and foodstuffs as I may to reduce my necessity on others over the winter. I resettled in middle Aberwyth, out of the Woods, after the issue with the Blight and feeling somewhat cut off out in the wilds - as much as I love it, well - this is closer to the Tower, which feels as my second home anyway. I know not how cold or how harsh it will be yet, but as per his request, I used some of the coin he left to procure some warmer garb for the upcoming weather.
Cedar and I have spoken off and on, and things seem to be mending and growing again there. I worried about her and Cailean, maybe too much, but such it is for me to do so. I am glad to see things between them well also. They are more than deserving of happiness.
Tonight, I go to my Reverie, peaceful.
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